


It’s all that matters

by cherrylng



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, Give them time to calm down and apologise to each other yo, M/M, They're arguing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 16:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrylng/pseuds/cherrylng
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Just leave me alone, you... monster," he can hear Ruki call him. He has no reply to that, no words that were stuck in his throat. He deserves to be called that. Every whimper and insults Ruki says from the other side is something he deserves to be said about him. It's the short end of the stick Ruki has gotten to fight back, but he didn't care. Neither did Kai.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s all that matters

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on May 2nd, 2013. Collaborated with arata_tan (AO3 is in a bitch fit because she doesn't have an AO3 account yet thus it refused to let me add her as co-author).

"Taka..." Kai lets out a deep sigh to calm his temper. He follows Ruki into his apartment.  
  
Ruki didn't stop. He takes off his shoes, strips off his coat, and storms into his small, yet cosy living room. He plopped down on the couch which followed by Koron jumping onto his lap.  
  
"You can't  _still_  be mad about this can you?" Kai follows him into the living room. With the atmosphere Ruki was putting off he didn't sit next to him.  
  
"The apartment you've chosen is shit. No pets allowed and come with the kind of neighbours that I hate!" Ruki shouts at him. He pets and strokes Koron while the dog licks his nose, trying its best to calm Ruki down.  
  
"Look, Taka, we can discuss this in a civil manner. We can find another one--"  
  
"To hell with civil manners! Six years, Kai! Six years we've been in a relationship and not a time have we found a chance to settle down together! Do you think that's actually possible for us?!" Ruki vents his anger out at Kai, whose tolerance for Ruki's temper is wearing him down.  
  
"Taka, we've been busy. Do you think that it's possible for me to juggle work and house hunting?" Kai tries his best to keep voice even. Work has been wearing both men down, but somehow, today is just not right, and that is making sure that they know it's making their mood for each other worse.  
  
"You couldn't save, maybe, half an hour to look at a decent place where the three of us can stay," Ruki muttered in an angry tone.  
  
"Taka..."  
  
"You aren't even working on songs."  
  
That snapped Kai. "Not currently, but  _I_  have to be the one who takes care of the band and make sure everything goes right!" he raises his voice.  
  
He took a deep breath. "If you're so mad about the place I picked I'll make sure to look for another when I have time," he lowers his voice again, rubbing his temple in frustration.  
  
"Another one? When will that be? Tomorrow? Next week? Or, I don't know,  _half a year_  later?" Ruki is on a roll, his anger making him taunt, poke and prod Kai even further. He knows that he shouldn't do it, but to hell with that. He needs to vent out his anger, and Kai is the one who should know how he is feeling and thinking.  
  
"Taka, I can't do everything in one sitting," Kai is fuming, but he's not going to break over this. He has won time and again to calm Ruki down before something bad happens. "We're fine with living apart, and trust me, we can--"  
  
"We can what? Still live apart? It's only excuses from you, Mr I-can-get-everything-done! You're a fucking hypocrite, Yutaka! You just don't want to leave behind that sweet place of yours because you're a wi--"  
  
 _SLAP_  
  
The sound echoed around them, the silence that shocked them made that loud and clear. At first Ruki cannot believe it, numbed out by the sudden action Kai did. Then, the pain settles in, and tears accumulated on his eyes and went down.  
  
The drummer pants; too shock to even want to shout at his lover anymore. He snapped, he actually did snap, and retaliated by slapping Ruki.  
  
Ruki's hand rested on his cheek, he could feel it sting from Kai's palm connecting to the side of his face. His lips pressed into a thin line. For once, he was silent. Yet there was a somewhat blank look on his face, as if his mind was still trying to catch up to what happened.  
  
"Ta... Taka... I- I didn't..." Kai stammered, staring at his own hand in shock. He looked up at him and saw tears flowing down his face. He reached out to touch him, maybe even comfort him if he could.  
  
"Don't touch me!" Ruki cried, picking up the pillows on the couch at Kai to get him to keep his distance.  
  
Kai raises his hands up. "Taka, I didn't mean to do that! I'm sorry--"  
  
"You slapped me, you bastard!" Ruki throws the pillow towards Kai as hard as he can. "Go away, you monster!"  
  
"Taka, wait I--" Kai couldn't say anything else once Ruki ran to his room and slammed the door shut with such force that Kai had to cringe at how loud the slam was. The neighbours are going to hear that, that's for sure.  
  
He approaches the door and knocks it several times. "Taka, I'm really sorry!"  
  
"Sorry my ass! Just leave me alone!" Ruki screams through the door. Sitting down against the door, he let himself loose, crying to let all those overwhelming emotions be released. He didn't bother to lock the door. Kai just didn't bother to know if the door was locked or not. Standing there, he knew what went wrong, but he stayed still, not wanting to further aggravate Ruki with any other harsh actions.  
  
He slapped Ruki. He hurt him. Even though he is not supposed to do that. He just wanted him to calm down, and slapping him was the first thing that came in mind in his anger.  
  
He has never laid a finger on Ruki in such a violent manner. It was obvious Ruki was furious... confused... pissed off. He had every right to. Kai was furious with himself.  
  
Why couldn't he think things through? Why couldn't he think before acting?  
  
He fell to his knees, his forehead pressing against the door. He listened to Ruki's muffled sniffles and small whimpers as he cried.  
  
"Just leave me alone, you... monster," he can hear Ruki call him. He has no reply to that, no words that were stuck in his throat. He deserves to be called that. Every whimper and insults Ruki says from the other side is something he deserves to be said about him. It's the short end of the stick Ruki has gotten to fight back, but he didn't care. Neither did Kai.  
  
He's a monster, so that's the least he can do.  
  
The night went on in a painfully slow manner. It was only three minutes to midnight. Kai had his back pressed against the door. He stared up at the ceiling with a blank expression. Though, on the inside he was tearing himself to shreds because of his actions. He had no idea if Ruki was awake or not. His insults had died down an hour ago.  
  
The apartment was agonizingly quiet. Koron had even kept his distance from Kai.  
  
Maybe he was a monster.  
  
On the other side, Ruki is wracked in guilt just as much as Kai is. He let his anger get the best of him, and he paid the price from Kai's wrath. He can still feel the pain coursing on his left cheek, even though the stinging is getting less painful. He deserves that slap.  
  
The problem with both of them, at the moment, is that they're not sure who should apologise first.  
  
Kai doesn't count the ones after he slapped Ruki as a legitimate one, since Ruki vehemently refused them. Ruki is tongue-tied to do so.  
  
Knowing no other way to verbally apologise, both men are also too reluctant to knock and open the door.  
  
Kai takes out his phone. He knows that Ruki had not thrown his to the wall and turn it into smithereens, so this may be his only chance.  
  
 _"I'm sorry"_ , he types, before pressing 'send'.  
  
No response for the next few minutes.  
  
 _"I'm a monster for slapping you"_ , he types this time and sends it to Ruki.  
  
 _"You had the right to be angry at me, and you still do. It's my fault."_  
  
No response for another moment.  
  
 _"I should have considered your feelings more."_  
  
 _"I should have picked a place that would accept pets, have your taste, and better neighbours."_  
  
No response for another moment.  
  
Kai almost jumped out of his skin when his phone vibrated in his hand.  
  
 _"I shouldn't have been such a dick,"_  Ruki responded.  
  
Another message arrived as soon as Kai finished reading the first message.  
  
 _"I shouldn't have pushed you when I know about your workload,"_  It reads.  
  
Then another came.  
  
 _"I should've considered your own needs just as much as you do for me."_  
  
New message.  
  
 _"I deserved that slap for being an asshole bitch to you._  Ruki is quite a fast text messenger.  
  
 _"I'm sorry."_  
  
Somehow, Kai managed a smile and the strength to stand up and turn towards the door. He knocks it three times.  
  
"Can you let me in?" he asks softly.  
  
He hears some shuffling before the doorknob turns; the door squeaking as it slowly opens to reveal Ruki, whose face is still puffy and red from crying.  
  
Slowly, Kai walks closer to Ruki. He wrapped his arms around Ruki into a tight embrace. He held him close as if Ruki went on a trip for a month and he'd just returned. He turned his head a bit just to kiss his left cheek.  
  
Neither men spoke. Instead, they kept their hold onto each other, not wanting to let go. For that, it was enough of an apology. They hurt themselves, and paid the price. It didn't matter if one of them got the short end of the stick, because they are there, and it has already happened. It was too late to regret on the deal.  
  
Tears are coming out from Ruki's eyes again. However, this time it's for a different reason. Kai is here right now, holding him, not letting go at all. He doesn't want to let go of Kai at all.  
  
"Keep on holding me," he whispers. "Don't let go. I'm not ready yet."  
  
"I won't," Kai replies back, firmly keeping his grip around the vocalist. He may be a monster, but the one thing he is capable of doing, is to listen to Ruki.  
  
It's the reason that Ruki never sees him as just a monster. Rather, Ruki sees him as the monster he loves back. It's all that matters to Kai in the end.  
  
  
END


End file.
